Christmas used to be my favorite holiday. I loved listening to the Christmas songs, seeing decorations everywhere, knowing it was around the corner...now? Not so much. Now Christmas is a nuisance, it's a painful reminder of how single I actually am. Besides my immediate family I have no one to buy gifts for. Christmas isn't fun for me. There are no kids in the family and the day itself is uneventful. The commercials annoy me. Especially the jewelry commercials which I mentioned in my last entry. I change the channel now. Those reminders of just how alone I am don't help my mood.
It seems like every year something bad happens. In all honestly the last year that was good from start to finish for me was 2000. 2001 was pretty awful. 2002 the same, 2003 yeah bad, 2004 ugh, 2005...actually 2005 was mostly okay. 2006 AWFUL. 2007 more of the same. 2008 had some really good parts but ended on a shitty note and now here we are in 2009 and as usual I'm happy for the end of the year's arrival.
What will 2010 bring? Who the hell knows.
But I am foolishly hopeful that something good will happen. That mostly good things will happen. 2000, 2005, 2010...it could happen, right?
Stay tuned.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Holiday Blues
I should be happy. I have a job, I'm healthy and things are getting better for me...and yet I cry daily. Not for a long time. It's usually just short bursts of tears at random points of the day. Sometimes they just happen for no reason, other times something sets me off. A song, a smell, a sight...I think it's the time of the year. It makes us single people feel even more alone. I'd like to be with someone for the Holidays just once.
I have to change the channel every time a Kay Jewelers commercial comes on. I get irrationally angry at them. Every kiss begins with Kay? How about every kick begins with Kay? Ugh. And 'He went to Jared'? Another vomit inducing commercial. I'd like to punch Jared in the gut.
Oh wow there I go again. Crying. So annoying. At least I don't do it in front of people and if I feel like it's going to happen in front of people I calm myself down. I psyche myself out so to speak. I nearly burst into tears on the train last night for no reason. And I almost always cry before I go to bed...alone.
Pathetic.
What is the point of this entry? There is no point. I'm rambling about nonsense. Maybe that's why I'm single ;-)
I have to change the channel every time a Kay Jewelers commercial comes on. I get irrationally angry at them. Every kiss begins with Kay? How about every kick begins with Kay? Ugh. And 'He went to Jared'? Another vomit inducing commercial. I'd like to punch Jared in the gut.
Oh wow there I go again. Crying. So annoying. At least I don't do it in front of people and if I feel like it's going to happen in front of people I calm myself down. I psyche myself out so to speak. I nearly burst into tears on the train last night for no reason. And I almost always cry before I go to bed...alone.
Pathetic.
What is the point of this entry? There is no point. I'm rambling about nonsense. Maybe that's why I'm single ;-)
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