From 2006

Dear God,

It’s me Stacey.

I just would like to ask you for one favor.

Can you make it possible for me to like someone at the same time they like me?

Thanks.

One more thing, can you make people who are single, you know ones without a wife and kids, like me?

Thanks!

Oh wait, I’m not done. Can you make it so I’m not so picky? I’ll be single until I’m 80 with my current standards.

Thanks!!

Aw crap another thing, when I tell people I have no interest in them can you make them get it into their thick skulls that I’m really not interested in them?

Thanks!!!

Now I feel better.

Oh wait. Can you make me not like a certain person anymore? Because it’s killing me. It feels like a piece of my heart dies everyday when I realize I can never have him.

Thanks.
Stace

Best jeans ever?

I'd say so ;)

Neda

I’m having a hard time trying to come up with the words that fully express what I am feeling from having watched that young Iranian woman die on video. A coward who was shooting at people from a rooftop gunned down Neda, an innocent bystander who was doing nothing more than watching the protests. The saddest thing to me was the look in her eyes as the blood started pouring out of her wound and then out of her mouth and nose. It was surreal that we watched life actually pour out of her and yet I cannot stop watching it. I’ve watched it nearly 10 times. I feel like I need to watch it to truly understand what is happening over in Iran. The people of the United States take it for granted that we are free to vote, free to express ourselves through protests, free to be ourselves no matter how we choose to live our lives. We get to live without fear (mostly). Neda didn’t.

Everyone must watch this video, no matter how squeamish you are. People need to understand what the people of Iran are going through. They’re not evil. The people running the country clearly are. The citizens are victims of this evil and they are trying to change their way of life. I, for one, support them. As human beings we all should. We’re all one no matter what country we come from, what God we pray to, what gender we are…I urge you to support your Iranian brothers and sisters as they fight for their freedom like our forefathers did for us over 200 years ago.

I wrote this back in September

I open the door
you walk in
no words are spoken
the kissing begins
fast
hard
wet
desperate
our bodies press against each other
grabbing on for dear life
moaning
grunting
barely breathing
you undress me
I undress you
I take all of you
in my mouth
you cry out my name
as you cum
I smile
as I drink it all
you pick me up
you push me against the wall
you kneel in front of me
you start tasting me
licking
sucking
using your fingers
to fuck me
I cry out your name
as I cum
you stand up
you take my hands
you lead me to the bed
I lie back
you climb on top
you look at me
with your sex eyes
they penetrate through me
you enter me
thrusting
slow
fast
hard
wet
fantastic
you hold my hands
above my head
pinning me
I wrap my legs
around you
like a vice
I don’t
want you
to escape
your moans get louder
you’re close
you let go of my hands
I grab your ass
pushing you
deeper inside me
you scream my name
as you cum
I take it all
you collapse
exhausted
sweaty
spent
satisfied

Two days in a row!!

Yes, mark down the dates. Stacey left her house two days in a row (Saturday June 13th and Sunday June 14th). Saturday I met up with some friends at a bar in the city to eat, drink and watch the Yankee/Met game. The game was AWFUL but thankfully the company was not. A friend of mine offered his apartment for when I need to get away (and he goes away). Well, I wouldn't be alone, I'd be cat sitting but she's adorable so I'd love to do it. An apartment on the Upper West Side for a weekend? Yes, please.

Then on Sunday I went to the Stadium to see the boys kick Johan Santana's ass. I was not expecting that at all. No one was. But I really was dreading going yesterday morning. I was so afraid after Saturday's game that the Yankees would continue their anemic "hitting" and Johan would shut them down. I could not be more wrong. And boy was I happy to be wrong. It was a beautiful day to boot so that was good. Sunny, warm in the sun, cool in the shade...nearly perfect. It was raining in Rockland when we left for the game so we were very excited to see the sun come out while we were on the train heading to the Stadium.

At first I was angry at how many Met fans were there...and then when the Yankees went up 13-0 I enjoyed it. Heh. Although one of them stopped in front of me as I was walking and said, "Hi." all drawn and trying to be seductive. I laughed him off and walked by. He was kind of cute but I couldn't date a Met fan. No way.

I couldn't date anyone right now. Not while I'm stuck in this house. Ugh.

No, this is a happy entry.

I'm going to the game on Thursday too. I hope the weather cooperates. *crosses fingers*

Okay I need to go to bed now.

Hurt

A year ago tonight I was sitting on a park bench in Boston with someone who at the time was the most special man I had ever met. We just sat there and talked and kissed and talked and kissed for a couple of hours. It was an unseasonably warm night, there were people passing us as we kissed; people playing instruments (we were near Emerson apparently), two girls were putting on a show for us near the wading pool of the Christian Science Park, security cars were driving by. We didn't care. It was the first night we met face to face and yet it felt like we knew each other for years. It ended up being one of the top 5 nights of my life. Actually it's in the Top 3. I've never had a night like that where everything was damn near perfect...of course nothing's ever perfect and it didn't last. And I wish I could say I'm looking back at last year's perfect night with fondness but that would be a lie. I am still hurt and probably will remain this way for a while. I think if things ended more cleanly I'd be okay about it. Maybe in June 2010 I will be able to think about the night in June 2008 when my life changed forever and not cry...I hope.

I really want amnesia

I am so depressed right now. I have the unfortunate ability to remember lots of minute details about events, people, etc. I also have an ability to remember specific dates and what happened during those specific days. Let's just say I was a hell of a lot happier a year ago tonight than I am right now. It actually kills me to think about how different things were then. How different I was. And it's not just the physical stuff. I was 15 lbs heavier last year at this time, still in Weight Watchers and working to get to my goal of losing 60lbs. But emotionally I was a LOT different. A lot of things have happened to me in the past 365 days. Some really good, some really bad, some downright awful...And you'd assume that thinking about the bad stuff is what's getting me upset. Nope, its the good stuff that's really making me lose it. If I knew then what I know now I would not have let a lot of stuff happen. Actually truthfully I wouldn't have let any of it happen. I didn't think I'd feel that way but I truly believe I would have been better off never letting myself fall so much. I was so stupid. I was stupid to think things would work. I was stupid to let myself fall for such bullshit. I acted like a teenager. I am a grown woman. I shouldn't have let it go so far. Oh well. You live and you learn right?

At least if it ever happens again I will have my guard up. Way up. It actually may be really tough for someone to crack because I cannot get hurt like this again. I probably won't survive....