Frustrating

I am so frustrated right now. It's humiliating not being able to find a job. I feel useless and worthless.

Does everyone go through this when they lose a job and can't find another one? If so, there are a lot of sad people right now.

Yeah whatever

I started this thing thinking I'd be writing up a storm again since that's all I have time to do but I'm not. I feel like I can't let myself express what I am really feeling on here. It's pretty frustrating. One of these days, hopefully soon, I will let my guard down.

But for right now this is the nonsense you'll be stuck reading about:

My mom and I took a trip down to Paramus NJ. First stop was Riverside Square. Riverside Square has all of the high end stores in it and was predictably pretty empty. My mom stopped at the GAP to buy a pair of pants. When we left the house we were only going to get lunch at a local hang out and then drive to Northern Jersey to get gas so she was wearing a pair of running shorts. She doesn't usually feel comfortable wearing them out in "public". Its one thing to be a mile from home near people you know to being in Paramus NJ surrounded by rich, stuck up women and their expensive handbags. Heh. Luckily for me I had one of my expensive handbags on me. One woman who I would imagine looks frightening without any make up on was staring at my bag. I wanted to say, "Yes it's real." I didn't buy anything. It turns out I also fit into the pants my mom bought. And now I am know for sure that I am a size 8. The pants are low waist size 8's. I've come a long way since September of 2007 when I was nearly a size 18.

Our next stop was my third favorite place on earth behind Yankee Stadium and Disney World...IKEA! IKEA was also pretty empty. I love weekday shopping. So peaceful. I saw the furniture I wanted but there was no way my mom and I could carry anything or fit it in the car. I want 3 pieces. One six drawer dresser, one eight drawer dresser and a three drawer dresser with a mirror attached. The only thing I am not sure about are the colors of the pieces. They all come in two of the same colors (black/brown or white) but the six drawer tall dresser comes in blue also. And I kinda like the blue. Damn decisions. And I am leaning towards NOT getting white because I grew up with white furniture. I liked the way the black/brown pieces looked in the store. We'll see. I have to clean my room out before I buy furniture anyway. I have nearly all of the crap from my apartment in here. I barely have anywhere to walk.

Okay I just saw how the Red Sox lost last night. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Good.

I'm glad my Yankees finally won and that Phil Hughes came out and did his thang. It's about time.

I won't get too excited because Joba can come out tonight, look like ass and the offense can go back into their funk. We'll see.

I need someone to come with me to the game on Sunday and I can't find anyone who wants to go. How lame is that???

Maybe I'll put the ticket on Stubhub or something.

Rambling

I love sex. I love everything about it. I love feeling someone inside me. I love feeling him on me. I love holding onto him for dear life as I orgasm. I love the messiness. I love how it's never perfect. I love to laugh when a silly noise is made. I love being loud. I love letting him know that what he is doing is fantastic and feels fantastic. I love being naked. I love being sweaty. I love doing it in front of a mirror while he's behind me so we can see each other's face. I love feeling like the sexiest woman on earth for those few hours. I need to feel like that again. It's been way too long.

Now That's More Like It...

I went to the Stadium again today and sat in my regular seats. Here's the view from Section 305.



It was a little dicey there for a while but the boys mounted a comeback and won today. So I am 1-1 and I am not a jinx. No matter what anyone says.


It figures Carl Pavano would pitch well. Asshole. He couldn't do that while he was a Yankee?


There were tons of empty rich people seats today. It's really pathetic. The Yankees need to fill those seats somehow. It looks awful on TV.


Here's a view from above centerfield.








More views from my seats.

Home Opening Day 4-16-09

So Stacey thought she was being clever by getting to Yankee Stadium by 10:15a...apparently most of the other 48,000 people had the same idea. Oops. Thankfully it wasn't hard at all to get into the new place. And it seemed most of the people who were milling around outside were doing just that. As I waited in line I looked around in wonder at the building. It's really attractive to look at, much more so than the old place. The older gentleman who scanned my ticket smiled and said, "Welcome to Yankee Stadium. Enjoy the game." I smiled back and said, "I hope to." I stepped into the Great Hall and couldn't believe how open it was. This wasn't my father's ballpark. I had to duck and bob my way through the crowd to avoid blocking other people's pictures.

I walked around aimlessly for a few minutes and explored my new favorite place. I ventured up to the grandstand level i.e. my regular spot and I walked all the way over to my seats. Not a bad view for all the way out in right field. It will take a little getting used to, my seats in the old place were right above first base. After I looked around I took the elevator (yes you read that correctly) to the field level and headed towards my seats. The girl looked at my ticket and said, "You're supposed to have a wristband. You need to go to guest services." Um okay. A wristband? "It gives you all access." All Access? What? I was confused and walked around trying to find guest services. When I finally did, a nice gentleman walked me to the entrance to the Legends Club. Apparently because I spent more than half a month of rent on a ticket I had rich people privileges. I will tell you what that means in a second.

So I am standing, waiting for my wristband, looking around and still mightily confused because at this point I still didn't know what this ticket entailed. I walk in and I am greeted by a friendly girl who explains everything to me. I can eat whatever I want in the Legends Club and out by my seats and I don't have to pay for it. People will take my order from my seat and bring me whatever I want...um yes please! I am praying to God that I win megamillions so I can just go to Yankee games the rest of the season and sit in the cushy seats.

I walked into the food area where they had stations set up. You name it, it was there. Lobster, shrimp, lamb, steak, breakfast food, dessert, salads, soups...I ended up having steak with horseradish sauce. It was fantastic.

I sat at a table alone and a nice waiter named Roy got a Pepsi for me. A few minutes later an older gentleman asked if he could sit with me. I didn't object. He also didn't know about this whole food thing. He bought his $200 seat off the street right before he walked into the Stadium. He ended up getting shrimp and lamb. We talked for a little while and he just couldn't believe how beautiful everything was. He called his wife to tell her what happened and then called his son to rub it in. Heh. We went our separate ways and I decided to make my way to my seat.

I sat just beyond 3rd base in the 4th row. Every seat had its own cup holder and every seat was cushioned and the leg room was fantastic. It was a beautiful, sunny day.

Unfortunately the Yankees ended up getting their asses kicked in BUT I still had a great time.

I honestly didn't pay that much attention to the game. I was too busy taking pictures and looking around and soaking everything in.

The Stadium is gorgeous. Truly amazing.

And I admit I was one of those people who was against it being built in the beginning. I had so many great memories in the old place. But I have to admit I was wrong. It may have moved across the street but it's still Yankee Stadium and it certainly felt like we were right at home there.

Some people....

I am not new to the Internet. I have been a message board user since 1998. I had a website where I ranted about everything from my love life (or lack of) to my periods to my best friend betraying me to my weight gain. But for some reason I always get shocked by how people act on the Internet. Some are obnoxious people who hide behind a screen and insult people because there is no way they could ever do it in real life. And it makes me laugh sometimes because they somehow think they are better than their fellow message board members. Like they're not a loser for being on the Internet all the time.

Here's a message to those people.

FUCK OFF.

A day in the city and other crap....

So I left my house at 11:10 to catch an 11:19 bus to the city which came at 11:26. Typical. It smelled like a urinal. My nose adapted to the smell about 15 minutes into the ride which I guess is good. But seriously, how does a bus WITHOUT a bathroom on it smell like a urinal? I'm afraid to find out.

It seemed like it took forever to get to the city but once I was there I became happy. I miss the hustle and bustle of Manhattan so much. I miss being annoyed at the trains running behind schedule. I just looked around at everyone else who was on the A train with me and soaked it in. It was great. I cannot wait to be able to move back into the city.

The meeting with the head of the placement agency went well. She said she had 3 places in mind for me and she'd let me know by the end of the week. I felt great when I left her office. She seemed very positive which in turn made me positive. (if you keep reading after this entry you will find out that I am not usually a very positive person--I am trying to fix that but its been ingrained in me since birth)

I had time to kill before my therapy appointment so I decided to get a desperately needed haircut. I hadn't gotten my haircut since October. I just took an inch off. I'm trying to grow it out again. I miss my long hair. Although I have to say it's scary when you look at your hair and think, "Wow it's getting so light" then realizing it's not getting lighter, it's getting WHITER. WTF? Suddenly I have tons of gray hair. I used to only have like 12 of them. Now, they're everywhere. I didn't want to have to start regularly dyeing my hair but it looks like I will have to. Oh well. I lasted this long. I'll be 35 in August. I had friends in college who were going gray at 20/21 so I should consider myself lucky. And gray hair on some people is very becoming. There is a lady I sometimes see on Metro North who has very pretty gray hair. Some men look fantastic with it. Me? Not so much. I can't imagine myself with it. At least not yet.

I love shocking my therapist. It's pretty easy to do and I did it today. I love seeing her face when I tell her something "juicy". I've been seeing her for nearly 7 years. And thank God for that. She has seen me through a LOT of ups and downs since 2002.

After therapy I decided to get my nails done. Nothing too crazy just chopped them off and had the girl put a clear coat of polish on. The sweet Asian girl who looked like a dead ringer for Lisa Ling. It was actually weird. She looked so much like her. I tipped her extra because she also waxed my eyebrows for me. I am finding it strange typing with my fingers right now instead of my dragon lady nails. The girl was amazed at how strong my nails are. I wish my hair was as strong as my nails and grew as fast as they do. Oh well. At least I got something going for me.

Let's switch gears totally and discuss the awesomeness that is Nick Swisher. I am so glad the Yankees got him. One, he is hilarious. Two, you can tell he really loves the game of baseball and doesn't just see it as a job. Three, he pitched a scoreless inning last night. How can you not love that? Michael Kay had an issue with it, Jorge Posada had an issue with it and Mike Francesa had an issue with it. All three of them can go piss off. Baseball should be fun. The Yankees were getting their ass handed to them. Swisher was having fun out there. He's not a pitcher. He's a position player. Give him a break. Some people are too uptight. Jesus.

Okay, I am signing off for now. My right wrist is bothering me which isn't a good thing if I get a job and I have to be on a computer all day...oy.

Ha Nick Swisher just hit a HR. BOOYAH!

Hi

I've decided to start a blog again. I'm sick of keeping my thoughts inside and not being able to express myself. So, no matter how goofy my thoughts are, no matter how silly my ideas are, no matter how pissy my rants are, I'm posting them.

No holding back.