I am so depressed right now. I have the unfortunate ability to remember lots of minute details about events, people, etc. I also have an ability to remember specific dates and what happened during those specific days. Let's just say I was a hell of a lot happier a year ago tonight than I am right now. It actually kills me to think about how different things were then. How different I was. And it's not just the physical stuff. I was 15 lbs heavier last year at this time, still in Weight Watchers and working to get to my goal of losing 60lbs. But emotionally I was a LOT different. A lot of things have happened to me in the past 365 days. Some really good, some really bad, some downright awful...And you'd assume that thinking about the bad stuff is what's getting me upset. Nope, its the good stuff that's really making me lose it. If I knew then what I know now I would not have let a lot of stuff happen. Actually truthfully I wouldn't have let any of it happen. I didn't think I'd feel that way but I truly believe I would have been better off never letting myself fall so much. I was so stupid. I was stupid to think things would work. I was stupid to let myself fall for such bullshit. I acted like a teenager. I am a grown woman. I shouldn't have let it go so far. Oh well. You live and you learn right?
At least if it ever happens again I will have my guard up. Way up. It actually may be really tough for someone to crack because I cannot get hurt like this again. I probably won't survive....
No comments:
Post a Comment